Monday, February 20, 2012

Christian Dating

How to Have a God Centered Dating Relationship

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
Do you want to have God at the center of your dating relationship? Would you like God to influence the love you show another person? Here is some advice that can help you pursue God’s will in your dating relationship.

Steps

  1. Remember that God’s Love is the ultimate. Knowing the love God has for you means that you do not have to seek fulfillment in how anyone makes you feel (a weakness of human love): the most perfect love comes from God, and it is always yours. He will do much more to fill the love-space than a person ever could. Approach your dating relationship knowing that God likes you and loves you, and there is plenty room for wonders of love, marriage, mature family love, i.e.: constancy (not fickleness) thus enabling you to build and love your own family, of course. (Christians: Always remember He sent His son, Jesus, to die for your sins.) Make sure you are strong in your loving relationship with God. This means knowing that He is always there to help you along the way. Trust Him. Make God the most important in your life. Make Him the love of your life.
  2. Know the ideal match for you. Date someone that you would consider marrying. Choose a person that has a similar desire for God, one that will build you up in your faith. If you are already in a relationship, positively encourage one another in pursuing God. Help your boyfriend or girlfriend to keep God the focus. Understand that Christians are not to be "unequally yolked" that is, if they are not willing to accept the faith, the relationship might have to be sacrificed.
  3. Pray. Pray about your dating relationship. Give everything over to God. Let God know that you are asking His approval. Talk to God about the problems that arise. Thank Him for the opportunity to be in a relationship and the happy times you experience. You can also pray with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It is a good way to help each other out with whatever stresses life brings. By praying together, you are experiencing God together. I would be very careful in doing this, though. The time you spend in prayer with the other person may bring you closer to them, but not necessarily closer to God. It could make the focus more about you two building intimacy. I would suggest each of you seeking after God and then being careful in what you divulge with each other.
  4. Talk about God. Make an effort to bring God into your conversations. Not only will it help in keeping God on your minds, you will also find out about each others beliefs. Talking about a spiritual subject changes normal conversation into one of eternal significance. Discussing God also allows you to build up each others knowledge and confidence.
  5. Read the Bible. Keeping God’s words in your heart helps you to remember the love and promises He has for you. Try reading the Bible together. It is fun, spiritual and good for conversation. Different verses will help you along the way in your relationship.
  6. Get involved with Church. Make sure your boyfriend or girlfriend and you are active in the body of Christ. You will feel good about sharing God’s love. He calls us to serve Him. Find a bible study. Love on people. Find a church where you can be involved together.
  7. Be careful with physical affection. Hugs are great. God created physical affection to be good. But be careful in how much physical permission you give one another. A relationship can easily turn sinful if physical bonding occurs too quickly. Everyone is different. But if you feel guilty at all for actions, it may be good indication that you are going too far. Avoid physical actions that might cause lustful thoughts (such as sitting on lap, laying on each other or sensual kissing and massages). Save sex for marriage. Talk about your physical actions with each other, making sure you are both comfortable and feeling great. Understand what might be innocent to one or another might very well be dangerous to you.
  8. Show Christ’s love to each other. Make sacrifices for each other. Watch a chick flick. Go to a basketball game. Do not judge. Be willing to serve one another. Put one another above yourselves. Place their needs above your own. Find how to show love to each other. Use the love God has shown you and bring it to your boyfriend or girlfriend.
  9. Pursue the Fruits of the Spirit. Strive to maintain the traits of godliness. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, meekness, etc. This will work to relieve the relationship of worldly troubles.
  10. Have Fun and Praise and Glorify God. Smile and know that God is with you. Enjoy the life that God has given the both of you. Whenever you get the chance, praise God for whatever He has poured into your life. Trust and know that God has your back. He wants what is best for the both of you.
  11. Cherish your own personal God time. Make sure you spend time alone with God. You need moments of reading the Bible, journaling or praying just between you and God. Since God is your ultimate lover, it is good to have that alone time with Him.
  12. Keep in mind the reality that God is real. While having a special someone can bring great happiness in this world, realizing the eternally wonderful nature of God’s love is something you do not want to miss. God is real. His love is real. God is love. Realize that God is working in your life right now. His forgiveness is real and His promises are real. Give the love God has given you to your boyfriend or girlfriend. God’s love is perfect. Let Christ’s love reign in your dating relationship. Let the love you have for each other be a banner to the world displaying God’s goodness. Remember though, "You are not your own, you were bought at a price" - therefore God must reign in your relationships. We are called to be holy, because He is holy. We might very well have to "hate [our] father and mother, [our] wife and children, [our] brothers and sisters--yes, even [our] own life--"; our dating relationships are no exception. Remember, as C.S. Lewis has said, that love that becomes a god, becomes a demon. Submit all your love, therefore, to the one that is Love, and He, like a gardener, shall prune our loves which are so fickle and temporary by nature, into beautiful gardens which we may share with all our relationships including our dating relationships.

Video

Tips

  • The Hollywood formula for relationships is: 1. Find the right person 2. Fall in love (focus on emotions) 3. Put all your hopes and dreams on that person 4. When it doesn't work assume you have the wrong person and start the process over with someone else.
  • However, God's formula for lasting relationships is: 1. Focus on becoming the right person 2. Walk in love (A choice to love someone when they need it the most but deserve it the least; agape) 3. Set your hopes and dreams on God (knowing that human relationships can't fulfill you or make you whole, only God can) 4. If that doesn't work, start again at step 1 (which is becoming the kind of person God wants you to be who is right person for your future spouse)
  • Useful Bible verses:
  • "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33
  • “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
  • “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
  • “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17
  • “I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.” Isaiah 61:10
  • Also try reading different Christian dating books.

Warnings

  • Be sure to guard your heart spiritually. Limit your fantasy and idle daydreaming and focus on reality--so daydream of how you may succeed in real-life goals: education, college, career and your own new-family as you grow up. Ask God to protect you from the total heartache of being desperate for "how a person can make you feel."
  • Avoid temporary relationships that sidetrack you from your real-life goals with things that will not stand over time--and for eternity--and can not satisfy your longings.
  • Remember that a person cannot fill the holes only God can fill. Do not set yourself up for disappointment. We are all merely human. Be willing to forgive and forget. Love as Christ would love. God loves you more than any man ever could. You keep running; don't stop. Just keep looking up to Him and be focused solely on him.
  • Remember that biblically speaking, unless the couple in question is married before God, they must abstain from sexual relations. Make sure both parties in question are aware of this and have agreed to be respectful.
  • Keep in mind God is first and should be the foundation and base of every relationship.

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Sources and Citations

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